#OnTheRoad, #Thoughts

Blinded & Drifting In Inadequacy

That night I cut the braids out of my hair realizing my mission to feel pretty was already a wrap but I had fun though and I was with my fave so nothing else mattered. That’s until I woke up and opened my eyes, blinked and it felt like something hopped in my eye and would not come out. I tried to blow it out, splash my face with water and when none of that worked, I woke him up to blow in my eye but those baby puffs were doing nothing for me.

Yeah, so who would have thought I’d be in the ER the second day in the worst pain of my life. I could not see at all but he kept me company, told me that I was going to be a superhero and that this was all part of my origin story. In the worst pain, at 32 years old, I was excited to be a marvel character. And when I needed closeness, he let me soak his pants with my tears (and snot).

I was out of commission for a day. Slowly, I started to be able to open my eye again and by the next day I was back out in the ocean on my boogie board like nothing had happened. You couldn’t tell me nothing. I was begging to be dragged to the deep end to ride the big waves then I couldn’t see the top of his head through my goggles, then I couldn’t touch the ocean floor and when I finally saw him he couldn’t hear me ask for help until it was too late.

And in my head, I was confident that he could save me because I think he knows and can do anything. I’m not sure why I have this much faith in him. I never seen him save anything let alone a kitten but to me, he’s bigger than life so I just knew he could get to me. And he tried then looked at me and said he couldn’t. I blinked in disbelief as he turned around and swam away.

The same guy that made the worst pain feel like a joyous occasion could not save me and the panic set in and I started screaming for bloody murder. I was screaming so much a fisherman got mad and told me to chill because the lifeguard was coming.

Clearly, I wouldn’t be able to blog this from heaven so I got saved even though for a moment I had no faith in the lifeguard.

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