I am a lone wolf. But I’m always in search of my pack. So maybe I’m not a lone wolf but a displaced wolf in the world in search of imprinting
Something solid, stable and trustworthy. Someone I can be in the world with and know that I’m safe. Not always questioning motives. Not wondering if their word is meaningful or if I could trust them to be there when things go left.
Once you’ve been chased multiple times with switches up dark streets by strange men, had someone try to sell your virginity at wholesale prices and chased up subway platforms while your people leave you hanging, you learn to be on edge and trust your red flags.
I don’t travel with people partly because I’ve learned people are flakes. It’s always “you shouldn’t travel alones” coupled by “I want to gos” that never go past the “we should go to” phase.
I used to hate doing things alone until I realized that flight deals were passing me and no one ever seemed to want to hang unless it was on their terms and schedule.
But I’m trying not to give up on people because I have places that I still refuse to go to because I want to share that memory with someone.
Who wants to see Parisian lights alone? Cruise through Grecian streets hoping that mythology is true and the Gods and Goddesses descend down from Mount Olympia daily. Who would believe me if I said that I saw Athena and Aphrodite fighting in the middle of the ruins, if no one is there to witness it with me.
I don’t want to visit the coffee shops of Amsterdam and roam the streets giggling by myself.
I was in Santa Monica and walked past the Pier because it’s no fun to watch other people grouped together eating cotton candy arm and arm rushing to ride the ferris wheel.
Some memories are meant to be shared. Shared memories are the ones that you remember the most.
It’s no fun forgetting places you’ve been or seen because there is no one to ask you remember when so I’ve been trying to open myself to who I feel like are like minded people that seem honest and true.
I have not had any luck.
This week I am heading to San Francisco for two days. I realize that I should have maybe gave myself more time but there’s no changing that. I am working on pushing myself to be out in the world and not limit what I see based on who’s with or without me. I’m trying not to worry about what I remember and enjoy it while I’m in the moment. My list is so ambitious that I laugh at it. Mostly because I cant read my own handwriting.
I plan on attempting to update this blog each night that I return to my hotel room with pictures of what I seen that day. That is my goal because I know I have fell off with the blogs recently.
I’ve been in a rut.